I've got cabin fever...bad.

I'm fighting for contentment right now. I find myself tsk tsking myself as I gaze at my adorable little boy beside me as I sit on the couch typing away in my beautiful house that I'm so blessed to call my own.  Really? Why can't I be content when the obvious things that surround me...the things that should be making me happy aren't doing a thing to cheer me up? I blame it on being cooped up due to the retched long winter. I just want to get out of the Cities. Our last trip was out to see my family in December. It was a stressful trip due to the weather and my Grandpa's stroke.  I really can't remember the last time we took a trip and it wasn't stressful. I guess our day trip back in August to Duluth was pretty great...but that was still kind of hard making the trip all in one day. Anyway, I feel a need for a true vacation. Getting away from the Cities, from Peter's job...and the daily tasks that keep me busy here at home. It's all a bore right now. I yearn for something different. I wish I could just hop on a plane with my husband and go someplace where we haven't been before.  I sometimes miss my early twenties where I had money and a flexible work schedule and could go traveling with friends.  I miss the spontaneous road trips, going to various restaurants and spending money without a mortgage hanging over my head. And going to an actual movie theater. Oh, I miss that.  Being a responsible adult can be a downer sometimes. Just sayin'. Maybe someday we'll be able to take regular family vacations...and *gasp* a trip for two for my lover and me every once in a while. That time just isn't right now.  I am thankful for a Gulbranson/Hartzel family trip up North that's coming up at the end of May. It seriously can't come fast enough. I'm looking forward to the roadtrip, the weather being milder and the company.  Hopefully it'll be as peaceful and beautiful as I'm imagining.  Until then, I'll continue to fight for joy and count my MANY blessings...and block all of my friends who are going on fun vacations. ;)  Just kidding about the last part. ;) 

Uncluttering my brain: Pregnancy

pregnancy.thoughts.happiness.fears

A lot of my friends are pregnant (especially my MN friends). This makes me want to be pregnant too. Crazy, I know. There's just something about seeing the budding bellies that make me think of my pregnancy 3 years ago and the memories and various joys roll over me like a happy cloud. My sister-in-law, just found out she's having a little baby girl. She's starting to show and is looking quite adorable. I loved my second trimester when I was pregnant: feeling the baby move, my belly growing daily, the new discoveries that I would make as I researched every week of my baby's precious life. I *really* enjoyed being pregnant (please, said friends who are pregnant and going through intense morning sickness...or stretched-to-the-max bellies, don't hit me). ;) Hopefully, I'll be able to join the baby bandwagon soon. Just as I typed that, I started to freak out a little...okay, a lot. Haha.

I've been thinking about what gender our next little one will be. Another little boy who can wear his big brother's hand-me-downs and share in Simon's love for all things boy? A little boy who will look up to his big brother and enjoy being with his daddy as much as Simon does. Another mama's boy? Or a little girl who looks just like me with big brown eyes and dark brown curly hair (which I had when I was little). A little girl who I can dress up and make cute girly things for her to wear in her hair. A little girl for both Peter and Simon to protect, love and adore. Ah, I can imagine intense happiness with either gender.

I'm nervous about having morning sickness this time around. I feel like I was so lucky the last time I was pregnant. I was only moderately sensitive to smells. I never threw up due to morning sickness, never had a problem eating, etc. I had moments of panic, wondering if all was well with my wee little baby due to the lack of sickness (especially knowing that my mom was S.I.C.K with all 7 of us). But everything was perfectly well with my pregnancy. I feel like this next pregnancy will be totally different. I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle being a mommy to an almost 3 year old, watching my 1 year old little niece AND being deathly sick. I guess it's better to plan for the worse, expecting the best... than the other way around...right? Oh boy. There's grace for that.

Such conflicting emotions when one thinks about having kids. It's hard planning a pregnancy too. There are always going to be conflicts that pop up and get in the way of when to conceive - a lot happens in 9 months!: vacations, traveling, weddings, various events, hot and cold seasons, busy bday months, holidays...just to name a few. I feel like we had Simon at a perfect time. I kind of wish God would just surprise us again. I find that there's a freedom when I am unaware of what God's doing in my life...until He reveals it to me (2 pink lines), and then I tend to freak out...and then realize that I can be at peace with His plan, that there's no turning back and there's no one to blame, but Him. ;) Okay, we would be to blame too if we got pregnant - (lol!). But you know what I mean. :P I feel like when I make the decision, even if I'm praying and seeking Him, that I'll mess up, and that it won't be "perfect" like it would be if He just did all the work. It's all in my head, because *if* I am truly seeking Him, then He'll direct and lead me in the way I should go. And I'll admit it, when He decides to totally surprise me, it's often times harder for me, because His ways are not always my ways...and I'm not in control. The truth is, no matter when we get pregnant, it'll be a surprise. It'll be surprise if we get pregnant on the first try and it'll be a surprise if it takes months...never knowing when and where the ball will drop. It's all in God's hands and THAT is comforting.

So, those are the thoughts that are tumbling through my brain when I think about getting pregnant.

Project365: February 20-26

February 26 We had a busy day of deep-cleaning our apartment of almost 3 years. Needless to say we were all exhausted…one of us even fell asleep on the way home. ;)

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February 25 This and my red lipstick helped to pull my look together for tonight’s 50’s party. Such fun!

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February 24 I’ll be honest, it gets cold in our house once the sun goes down. It’s not unusual to find my husband sporting a winter hat while sitting on the couch during the evening hours. Tonight, was no exception.

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February 23 This morning I made my favorite winter cookie for our neighbors. I hope they like them!! :)

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January 22 We’re the proud owners of a netbook. It’s tiny and cute…and it has a webcam. I’ve wanted to replace my laptop ever since it broke 4 years ago. It’s not perfect, because it’s not my laptop, it’s also not colorful (black is so boring) and I can’t customize the wallpaper (seriously?!)…oh, and it’s tiny - haha, among other little things. ;) But I think the more I use it the more I’ll appreciate and love it. :)

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February 21 It’s still snowing outside. 36 hours of continuous snow accumulates, that’s for sure. Peter has gone out to shovel three times today. While he was out, I was in…unpacking another box. In honor of unpacking my toiletry/cosmetic box, I applied lipstick.

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February 20 | Today’s picture is grainy (what’s new, right?) because I was too lazy to actually go outside. Instead, I took a picture of my husband shoveling from my kitchen window. Saint Paul is getting dumped on with another load of snow. It’s been snowing non stop since 10am this morning. So far we’re at 13” with 5-7 additional inches expected tonight through tomorrow. So much for Spring being right around the corner.

Uncluttering my brain: Life

I haven't truly blogged in a while. The blog portion of my brain is currently on overload. There are so many topics I want to write about. I actually started a list of things I want to get out of my head and it's quite lengthy. I thought instead of writing one looong post, I'd keep it short and happy and break it up a bit. Here are the topics, in no particular order, also with no promise that it won't continue to grow :

current.life

pregnancy

cooking {and other "chores" around the house}

fears.faith

desires of motherhood

home

decorating/projects

current.life
March has been a super busy month...and it's only in the middle of its second week. I was going through my planner and couldn't believe how many events I have stuffed into the first two weeks. The end of February was also quite busy for us...heck, the whole month was busy. I guess that was to be expected when one moves into a house. Peter and I have felt like we've been going non-stop...even our weekends are jammed packed. I'm hoping this Spring/Summer slows down enough for us to take lazy walks around our neighborhoods and around our favorite Saint Paul parks. I'm really looking forward to that and in a way, it kind keeps me going through the harshness of March's winter. Only a couple more weeks until Spring...at least that's what the calendar tells me.

This weekend, I'm helping out with Peter's cousin's wedding. I'm honored to be Elizabeth's personal attendant (I'll also be helping out with some of the makeup). This weekend promises to be busy. Friday, is Liz's personal shower, Saturday, is the rehearsal/dinner and Sunday is the big day. So exciting. I'm going to crash once Monday comes, I'm sure. :p

I started watching my 11 month old (she's almost 1!!) niece Penny again. She's such a doll! I've been watching her 3 days a week and will probably move up to 5 days pretty soon. It's been a good challenge for me having another little one around. It's made me realize how grown up my son is...he's such a great helper! It's also made me think of how different it's going to be, getting pregnant and having another little one around all.the.time. I appreciate the quiet time a whole lot more..and the alone time with my husband is precious.

The house is coming along quite well. It's crazy to think that we've only been here less than 4 weeks. It seems like we've lived here much longer (this is a good thing). We pretty much settled in the first week. I focused on Simon's room the first night we were here. I knew he needed to feel at home and so I made an effort to set up his room (decor and everything) and make sure that his toys were within eye-level in the living room. It seemed to work quite well. Simon hasn't had any issues with the change of living space. SO glad for that.

There are quite a few other things that I could write about concerning my current.life, but I'll resist the temptation to waste any more time at the keyboard. There is laundry that needs to be folded, cookies that need to be cut-out and a little blue-eyed blonde kid that wants to "Pay" (play) with his mommy. Ciao.

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Spring!

I feel Spring is just around the corner. It’s not because the sun is out today and the temperature is above freezing. It’s not even because the snow is starting to melt and the icicles are starting to drip. ((I’m trying not to think of the 4″ of expected snow we’re going to get tonight – tomorrow))  I think Spring is right around the corner, because I have a GREAT desire to break out (and buy) Spring clothes. I’m quite tired of my winter garb…the need for dressing in layers and wearing old lady slippers around the house.  I want to be free.  I want to be able to wear jeans, a t-shirt and flip-flops without getting goosebumps. Ah, that sounds simply wonderful right now.

I’ve been surprised at how content I’ve been with this winter. I had enough things to keep me busy. Simon has also been more content this Winter in staying indoors and doing various activities to keep him happy. But now that it’s March, I’m ready for Spring. I’m done with the snow, the bitter cold, the need to wear boots, layers and bulky coats. I’m ready for a VERY wet spring. I’m ready to see flower’s poking through the the lifeless ground, the sprouts of green grass which I haven’t seen since October and I’m ready to see the tree’s budding with new life.  It’s been a long 6 months for sure and I’m ready for a change.  I thank God I live in a state where there are 4 seasons.  There’s always something to look forward to, whether it be new life and thunderstorms, hot temperatures with a brilliant sun, gorgeous autumn colors, or even cold white snow. What a creative God I serve.