Wishing the years away, while holding tightly to the now.

I don't do this often, but there are days, that have me wishing for the baby stage to be done and over with! I know, I know. Years down the road, I will regret these feelings. I will yearn to hold my babies one more time.  I can already envision myself gazing at pictures of my little babies with tears streaming down my face and a wobbly smile on my face, wishing for a sloppy wet baby kiss, or a gaze full of love and innocence naughtiness. Or for one more glimpse of a toddling baby coming at me full force to give me a hug. I know this, and yet, I still can't help but be excited over the many adventures we will have together, as a family of four, once my baby isn't a baby anymore.

I can already see it. Us vacationing up north, going for hikes, maybe even setting up a tent and camping out, if the weather is decent. Road-tripping out West. Going for long bike rides. Eating out at restaurants. Going to see cute PG or G-rated movies. All the things we can't really do now, because we have a ticking-time-bomb baby. Simon was just reaching that stage where we could do more with him, right before Miles was born. 3.5 years is a fun age. We took him out to eat, we even went to the discount theater with him a few times - I never thought kiddie movies could be so much fun! We went on longer walks and let him play at the park without having to hover. We just did more.

And then came Miles. Rambunctious, lovable, full-of-energy, Miles. He turned our world upside down and made us put on the breaks. I wasn't prepared for it, even though we had done it once before with big brother, Simon. Miles yells when he doesn't get his way, whines for attention, walks...nay, runs away whenever he gets the chance and has such a short attention span. Taking him out is usually a quick activity, with us turning blue from holding our breath, hoping he doesn't throw a baby-tantrum, or whine too loudly. I'm sure it's just a stage. But it's been a long stage and I'm so ready for a time where we can go out on family adventures that last longer than 20 minutes.

A couple of weeks ago, we took the boys over to Como Lakeside Pavilion. They have local orchestral bands that play there during the summer months. I had just been there with a friend a few nights before, and so I knew that it was not only fun and different, but family friendly. We decided to give it a try as the weather was unseasonably cool and comfortable and the prospect of being outside with my little family sounded nice. We arrived just before they started. We sat down near the back, off to the side (family safeville) and settled in for a fun night. Peter had retrieved Miles from the stroller and was holding him as the music started playing, "Pop Goes the Weasel". I glanced over and there he was, all snuggled up to his daddy, almost glaring. He looked so comfortable, but his face was another story. He was clearly nervous. He sat there for 10 whole minutes with hardly any expression on his face. I took quite a few pictures of him, because he was cracking me up. Where was the feisty little guy that could only sit still for 5 seconds?

                                                         

I finally couldn't deal with the cuteness any longer and reached out for him. He came willingly and snuggled in for another 5 minutes. My mamma's heart filled with gratitude for the special gift of snuggling with my 16 month old.

The spell was broken when Peter and Simon went off to find Ice Cream. But he stood contentedly, holding on to the chair in front of me, bopping to the music and woofing like a dog anytime he saw a puppy. The boys came back a few minutes later with ice cream, and the rest is a messy, sugary history. We left during the intermission, happy, sticky people. It's nights like these where I'm okay with putting the breaks on and just enjoying the now. The future will come soon enough with fun adventures of their own.

{Teething}

It's been a cranky couple of weeks for us. Miles started teething again, and is now sporting two bottom teeth. Poor child. Poor mama. This is his second go around at teething. Although, he doesn't have anything to show for his first, which I'm actually glad about. At 7 weeks (weeks!!!), I spotted 2 white dots on the right side of his gums, I rubbed my finger along his gum thinking the white spots was just leftover milk residue. To my shock - and horror - the spots were sharp. By 8 weeks, there was no denying the fact that they were teeth. Thankfully we had Miles' 8 week dr. appointment and I was able to ask his doctor about them. He said that they were indeed teeth and that we would just have to keep an eye on them. If they continuted to come out through the side (instead of coming through the bottom of the gums like they're supposed to), they might have to be extracted. GAH! I was so horrified and not looking forward to having a baby sporting teeth coming out of the sides of his mouth. Thankfully a couple of weeks later, after incredible pain and discomfort (runny nose, lack of appetite, cranky, restless sleeping, etc.) the white spots started to go away, the teeth decided to go back in. All of that teething pain for nothing. Poor kid. Poor Mama.

2 weeks later, round two of teething. This has been the roughest 4 weeks of my mommy-life. I thought I was going to go crazy. It didn't help that on top of my 2 crazy kids, I watched a bunch of other kids too. I started to wonder if my life would ever get back to normal. I actually started to forget what normal was. Miles was no longer my chill laid-back baby. He wailed, he cried, he fussed, he woke up multiple times a night, he was hardly ever happy.  I remember being super excited when he was happy for a full 5 minutes, being filled with hope that maybe the worst was behind us and that he was getting better, only to be disappointed once the crying started up again. At the beginning of this notsofun adventure, I wasn't sure what was going on. I was relieved to finally see proof that he was indeed teething. It gave me hope that this was just a teething phase, that once they popped through, he would be back to his old smiley self.

Thankfully, he has been much happier, and I have too. It's kind of dumb how circumstances dictate how I feel and how I deal with things. It's also dumb at how rattled I get when the kids are crabby. I'm the adult, I should be able to handle tears and loud crying. But I can't - at least not for extended periods of times. I keep reminding myself that this is what happens when I'm sleep deprived. I'm not 100% myself. I'm low in energy and patience...and love. As much as I want this phase to be over with, I know 6 months from now, I'll look back on my baby's life and wonder where his babyhood went. It goes by so quickly. While I might not love the yawns, tears and frustrations that come with being a mom, I do love the baby that makes me a mom. We'll get through this babyMiles...together. xoxo

Miles sporting his 2 bottom teeth at 16 weeks.