Wishing the years away, while holding tightly to the now.

I don't do this often, but there are days, that have me wishing for the baby stage to be done and over with! I know, I know. Years down the road, I will regret these feelings. I will yearn to hold my babies one more time.  I can already envision myself gazing at pictures of my little babies with tears streaming down my face and a wobbly smile on my face, wishing for a sloppy wet baby kiss, or a gaze full of love and innocence naughtiness. Or for one more glimpse of a toddling baby coming at me full force to give me a hug. I know this, and yet, I still can't help but be excited over the many adventures we will have together, as a family of four, once my baby isn't a baby anymore.

I can already see it. Us vacationing up north, going for hikes, maybe even setting up a tent and camping out, if the weather is decent. Road-tripping out West. Going for long bike rides. Eating out at restaurants. Going to see cute PG or G-rated movies. All the things we can't really do now, because we have a ticking-time-bomb baby. Simon was just reaching that stage where we could do more with him, right before Miles was born. 3.5 years is a fun age. We took him out to eat, we even went to the discount theater with him a few times - I never thought kiddie movies could be so much fun! We went on longer walks and let him play at the park without having to hover. We just did more.

And then came Miles. Rambunctious, lovable, full-of-energy, Miles. He turned our world upside down and made us put on the breaks. I wasn't prepared for it, even though we had done it once before with big brother, Simon. Miles yells when he doesn't get his way, whines for attention, walks...nay, runs away whenever he gets the chance and has such a short attention span. Taking him out is usually a quick activity, with us turning blue from holding our breath, hoping he doesn't throw a baby-tantrum, or whine too loudly. I'm sure it's just a stage. But it's been a long stage and I'm so ready for a time where we can go out on family adventures that last longer than 20 minutes.

A couple of weeks ago, we took the boys over to Como Lakeside Pavilion. They have local orchestral bands that play there during the summer months. I had just been there with a friend a few nights before, and so I knew that it was not only fun and different, but family friendly. We decided to give it a try as the weather was unseasonably cool and comfortable and the prospect of being outside with my little family sounded nice. We arrived just before they started. We sat down near the back, off to the side (family safeville) and settled in for a fun night. Peter had retrieved Miles from the stroller and was holding him as the music started playing, "Pop Goes the Weasel". I glanced over and there he was, all snuggled up to his daddy, almost glaring. He looked so comfortable, but his face was another story. He was clearly nervous. He sat there for 10 whole minutes with hardly any expression on his face. I took quite a few pictures of him, because he was cracking me up. Where was the feisty little guy that could only sit still for 5 seconds?

                                                         

I finally couldn't deal with the cuteness any longer and reached out for him. He came willingly and snuggled in for another 5 minutes. My mamma's heart filled with gratitude for the special gift of snuggling with my 16 month old.

The spell was broken when Peter and Simon went off to find Ice Cream. But he stood contentedly, holding on to the chair in front of me, bopping to the music and woofing like a dog anytime he saw a puppy. The boys came back a few minutes later with ice cream, and the rest is a messy, sugary history. We left during the intermission, happy, sticky people. It's nights like these where I'm okay with putting the breaks on and just enjoying the now. The future will come soon enough with fun adventures of their own.

We all have dreams... {home edition}

Have you been following Emily's 20 days of Summer Giveaway posts? I have. I probably shouldn't though as I'm inspired OUT OF MY MIND to redecorate and spend tons of money and time on our house. I'm not satisfied with our home decor. It could be WAY worse. But it could be better too. I keep reminding myself to give it time. We've only been in this house for a couple years now and once both boys are bigger and we're out of the baby-phase, we can start doing more with the house.

Currently, our living room is filled with toys, a much-loved (read: stained) couch and dark furniture, woodwork and blinds. For now it works, but someday I would LOVE to brighten it up and not have so many toys laying around. I would also LOVE to have a toy room. You know, a room designated for toys. I've heard that they exist. Someday this will become a reality.

See what I mean? So dark.

Hello toys and clutter.

This toy room is too cool. I adore Land of Nod and so naturally I adore this toy room.

Via 6th Street Design School

Maybe we can clear out part of our (unfinished) basement and set aside a little nook for the boys. Right next to my husbands dream workspace.

We all have dreams.

I've always had a dream where I would have a craft room/office/girly room. That dream has only gotten bigger as I've had boys. I NEED a girly room where I can get away from the trucks, balls, batman+star wars toys and masculine colors. A room where I can accessorize with florals, fabrics and throw pillows.  The only problem is our house is tiny and the "spare bedroom" is currently our storage room...and we need a storage room. We also need a spare bedroom for overnight guests. So my goal is to try and keep the storage room, but incorporate a crafty girly-office space for me...with maybe a daybed/couch for the overnight guests. IDK. Still thinking dreaming.

1. Via Tatertotsandjello

3. Via lollyjane

2. Via Tipsy Tessie - Flickr 

4. Via Inspired-Design Tumblr

5. Via Better Homes and Gardens

6. Via Pinterest

The boys love hanging out upstairs, but only when I'm up there too. They just need to have someone up there with them, I don't know why...to feel secure and safe? I usually don't have anything to do up there, so if I were to have a crafty-room, that would be a wonderful added excuse for me to hang out upstairs with my little men-folk.

So, my {top} three goals for this house are:
1) To re-think the living room. Bring in some fun features, try and lighten up the room, gradually move the toys downstairs/upstairs....
2) Turn our spare bedroom into a fun spot for me to hang out in and let out my creative juices flow...while being upstairs with the boys
3) Make the boys {tiny} bedroom into a FUN and colorful and creative place to be...so that we can hang out upstairs more.

Via My Home Ideas

Via I heart Organizing

 Via Apartment Therapy

^^The boys have a closet just like this - only with a slanted ceiling. Right now it's full of baby/seasonal storage stuff. Someday, I'm going to paint it a cheery color and make it into a little reading nook. Only, unlike this pic - it's going to be all boy. :)

Once Miles is out of his {huge} crib, and into the bunkbed that he'll share with his big brother, I foresee my dreams coming true. Maybe another year or so. I need to start collecting ideas, start setting aside money and not twirl my thumbs so much. It'll happen, I know it will!

Times of refreshing

Today, I feel bored and restless. If I'm being honest, I've been feeling this way for a while now. I get like this from time to time. It usually happens during the dreary wintery months. But I'm still feeling this way. I could attribute it to the lack of sun or warm weather (it's the end of MAY for Pete's sake!) or the fact that I'm a SAH mom. Or both. It's probably both.  Ever feel bored with your lifestyle? The things you do day in and day out? I'm the type of person that HAS to have something fun and different to look forward to or a deep depression overwelms me. Okay, so maybe that's a little extreme. I don't get depressed...I just get like I am today. Bored...and okay, a little depressed.  The thing that's confusing me is that I DO have something fun to look forward to tomorrow/Saturday. And I've had quite a few fun things happen this past last year - things that don't usually happen. My brother and his wife came for a visit, my baby turned one, my oldest friend, Carissa, came for a visit, we went on a road trip to Indiana surprising my mom for her 50th, my SIL just had a baby and I have two more nieces/nephews to look forward to before the year is out. Our 7th year anniversary is on Monday, various fairs and festivals are upon us, Simon's birthday, hopefully a trip up north, Peter's 30th birthday, my 30th birhtday.... I've had fun things happen AND I have fun things about to happen.

So why do I feel this way? I think the day-to-day living is starting to get to me. The non-stop picking up of toys, washing of dishes/clothes, dusting, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, giving baths, putting cranky boys to bed, whining, complaining, teething, trying to be productive, saving money.... It's just a constant cycle of...mundane life. I know it's not always going to be like this. I know that if I worked outside of the home, I would still have to deal with all of this PLUS a job. An outside job does sound appealing though sometimes. A job where I can be around other adults, work on projects, finish projects, go on to something else. As a full time mom, I feel like I do the same things day in and day out, trying to please everyone around me and a lot of times I don't feel like I get anything back (don't I sound selfish?!). I try to mix up my day from time to time - watch a guilty-pleasure show while folding laundry, bake something scrumptious and naughty, work on projects for my etsy shoppe...  But even then I run into problems: wasting time, gaining weight and items not selling. lol!

So, what is it that I desire? I've been asking myself that same question. In my Q&A book, I come across questions like this all the time. If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would you go? Or If you could visit anyone, who would it be? Or Who would you trade places with for just one day? Some days I have answers to these questions...most days I don't know what the heck I want.

It's times like this I all of a sudden have a thought. When was the last time I sat down during a quiet time of the day (hahaha) and actually opened up my bible? It had been a few days. I opened up my devotional and bible this morning. I came to the throne thirsty. I decided to play catchup. Yesterday's devotional was just what I needed today. The last sentence struck me: Find Me in every situation. Are you the type of person who seeks after God and feels closest to Him when you're going through dark times (when difficulties force you to depend on Him) or when you're going through bright happy times (those who respond and feel closest to Him with with thanksgiving and praise)?  It's comforting to know that He knows the things that make us come to his throne. Because sometimes I have no idea what it's going to take. And most times I don't even notice that I've been wandering. I would love to be the person who seeks after Him no matter what. Something I should strive for.

So that's me in a nutshell. Kinda depressing, kinda hopeful, mostly honest.  I am grateful to God for this life. A life full of little boy drama, giggles, kisses and yes, dirty diapers. I love my boys and my husband of 7 years. I'm praising God today for life, for my life. For the past blessings and the future Grace.
 

...that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord. -Acts 3:20a

A clean house?! What's the occasion?

We're having company over tonight. We haven't had company over in a long time...probably since Simon's birthday in August. I like having people over for the obvious reasons: socializing, eating and laughing.  The not-so-obvious part, being that it forces me to clean. I dislike cleaning. I love the end results, but I hate that is doesn't last. Before the night is over, you probably wouldn't even know that I spent countless hours, dusting, vacuuming and de-cluttering (how did we get so many toys?!). It's well worth the effort though and I'm sure my husband wishes we had people over more often...just for the clean house. ;)

I find that I have to be SUPER organized when it comes to hosting. A clean house, dinner (salad, homemade French baguettes, loaded potato soup, apple/rhubarb crisp and vanilla ice cream...), a presentable me AND kids, doesn't come easily and they all must come together relatively at the same time.

I have a few lists laying around the kitchen counters (the only safe spot in my kitchen where the boys can't destroy) and they all pertain to different things. Food: What I'm making, when to make it, when to have it ready, etc. Schedule for the day. To-do list for the day: Clean, cook, get ready, etc. On top of all of that I have a list running through my head: Miles' schedule, naps, waking up, bottle, etc. Simon's schedule: school, pbs time, nap, etc.  If I didn't write things down, I'm sure my head would eXpLoDe.

I'm so thankful for busy days like this. It gets me up off my butt, and I find that I have way more energy when I have a to-do list to go off of. Plus, the boys seem to be happier, when I'm popping in and out and not so readily available to their every whim - weird, I know. Not to mention I'm really looking forward to the fellowship that we'll have with this sweet couple tonight. I'm SO grateful for happy boys today too, I don't think I would be sane if they were like they were yesterday - crabby, whiny and against naps. Yay for happy cooperative boys (hopefully that lasts throughout the evening...).