So why do I feel this way? I think the day-to-day living is starting to get to me. The non-stop picking up of toys, washing of dishes/clothes, dusting, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, giving baths, putting cranky boys to bed, whining, complaining, teething, trying to be productive, saving money.... It's just a constant cycle of...mundane life. I know it's not always going to be like this. I know that if I worked outside of the home, I would still have to deal with all of this PLUS a job. An outside job does sound appealing though sometimes. A job where I can be around other adults, work on projects, finish projects, go on to something else. As a full time mom, I feel like I do the same things day in and day out, trying to please everyone around me and a lot of times I don't feel like I get anything back (don't I sound selfish?!). I try to mix up my day from time to time - watch a guilty-pleasure show while folding laundry, bake something scrumptious and naughty, work on projects for my etsy shoppe... But even then I run into problems: wasting time, gaining weight and items not selling. lol!
So, what is it that I desire? I've been asking myself that same question. In my Q&A book, I come across questions like this all the time. If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would you go? Or If you could visit anyone, who would it be? Or Who would you trade places with for just one day? Some days I have answers to these questions...most days I don't know what the heck I want.
It's times like this I all of a sudden have a thought. When was the last time I sat down during a quiet time of the day (hahaha) and actually opened up my bible? It had been a few days. I opened up my devotional and bible this morning. I came to the throne thirsty. I decided to play catchup. Yesterday's devotional was just what I needed today. The last sentence struck me: Find Me in every situation. Are you the type of person who seeks after God and feels closest to Him when you're going through dark times (when difficulties force you to depend on Him) or when you're going through bright happy times (those who respond and feel closest to Him with with thanksgiving and praise)? It's comforting to know that He knows the things that make us come to his throne. Because sometimes I have no idea what it's going to take. And most times I don't even notice that I've been wandering. I would love to be the person who seeks after Him no matter what. Something I should strive for.
So that's me in a nutshell. Kinda depressing, kinda hopeful, mostly honest. I am grateful to God for this life. A life full of little boy drama, giggles, kisses and yes, dirty diapers. I love my boys and my husband of 7 years. I'm praising God today for life, for my life. For the past blessings and the future Grace.
