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Contentment...a work in progress.

Yesterday morning, I woke up crabby and teary-eyed (notice a recurring theme in my blog lately?). I was thinking about how boring my life is currently. How I didn't have anything fun to look forward to and how that depressing thought was getting me down. My biggest fault I think as a women is comparing myself or my current situation to others. I've had to literally fight with being content. This week especially was hard as the people near and dear to me were enjoying everything that I wanted, but couldn't have. Here are a few examples:
  • Two of my girlfriends here in MN had their parents come out to visit for a whole week. Yay, for them! They are pretty incredible parents so it was a joy to hang out with them and see them once again. It made me want to see my parents (family) SO bad though and I couldn't help but be a little jealous of my friends. We're coming up on 9 months since I've seen my family. Probably the longest I've ever gone without seeing their dear faces.
  • Another close friend is on vacation at the lovely north shore. Ahh, a vacation sounds SO nice right now!
  • My brother just bought and moved into a house. I'm happy for him, but I can't help but wonder why we're having such a difficult time with our housing situation. Why is the Lord wanting us to wait? We were suppose to be moved in by now, unpacking boxes and getting ready for Simon's birthday party. Why?
  • And last but not least (the main reason I woke up crabby yesterday), Peter gets to go to a Twins baseball game with his friends and co-workers today. I'm happy for him, but I can't help but feel jealous about this too. What would I give to be at a baseball game with my friends, rather then being stuck here on a lovely July day with a 23 month old? At least I have a friend coming over for coffee this afternoon, so hopefully that'll take my mind off of my husband having fun without me. Yes, I'm a big baby...and yes you can feel bad for my friend, Amber. Haha.
I blame my depression on a lot of things (hormones, homesickness, etc.), but in reality it's just me being a sinful human being whose focus is on myself and my own needs, rather then being 100% excited for my friends, family and husband. There will come a time where fun things come my way and until then I just need to be content with where God has placed me.
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I wrote the above portion yesterday (tweaking it a bit today) but never posted it. I just needed to get it out of my system and strange as it might sound, it worked...a little. My husband knows that I've been having a rough time this past week. Parenthood is hard and there are times where I wish I was the kind of parent who put my son in a nice daycare and went off to work. I do miss working and having actual conversations with adults and making friends. But then I see my son's bright eyes and beautiful smile and hear a new word/phrase or see him do a new thing and I suddenly am ever so grateful that I can stay at home with him. Thank goodness for a husband who comes home to me every night so I can carry on an adult conversation with him and thank goodness for girlfriends who I am blessed to have here in the cities.

So yes, back to my husband. I got an email yesterday telling me that he had a surprise planned for me for Friday night and that I was to wear a fancy dress. He has yet to give me any hints and I have to admit, I'm a little excited. Okay, A LOT excited. I love surprises and dressing up. I can't wait to see what he has planned for us on Friday. :)

Also, yesterday our Small Group got canceled, so instead of canceling our babysitters, Peter and I went out just the two of us. Peter was a sweetheart and let me shop for about an hour at Turnstyle (I was able to consign some old clothes too - yay for that!!). We ended the evening by sitting out on a patio of our favorite restaurant and eating some yummy buffalo wings. It was a lovely night.

I'm so grateful for my Lord who thoughtfully prompted my amazing husband to do these special things for me. It's a little embarrassing at how those two "fun" things helped me to get out of my funk. :p

Comments

  1. I totally understand... sometimes it's the little things that help, you know? Good thing we married great guys! Wish we lived closer, I'd take you out for a coffee and we'd talk about the days when our bad day was iceberg lettuce at the RCI. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aww, I wish we lived closer too!! I was just telling Peter that last week. :( Getting coffee with you and talking about the RCI sounds like fun. lol, on the iceberg lettuce part - you crack me up! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Peter sounds amazing! Derek took all of us out for pizza and the park this week, when I was having a horrible day. I couldn't live without that guy!

    ReplyDelete

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