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Resting in Jesus

I started this post Friday morning. I remember crying and then feeling ashamed at my tears, I didn't want to be an emotional wreck all day long, so I wiped my tears from my face and sat myself down to write. Sometimes when my fingers are flying across the computer keys the tears stop and by the time I'm done writing (whether I posted or not) I feel better. It helps to get your frustrations out.

I never published it because it seemed unfinished. I guess it was.

Friday, April 30th, 2010 (11:31am)

So I cried some tears today, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I feel let down. Let down by the bank, let down by my faith and let down by God. Yikes, did I just admit that!? I almost feel like David in Psalms 22 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Acknowledging these feelings made the tears run freely. Through these last couple of months, my faith has been strong...really strong. I knew we had a powerful God on our side and I knew that He was a loving God who knew the desires of our hearts and knew that $8400 ($8,000 tax credit + $400 apartment deposit) would come in handy for us.

Thursday night we talked about re-signing our apartment lease and since Peter was going to be at work all day Friday, he went ahead and signed. I have yet to take it down - I'm waiting until the last minute. ((See, I have a tiny bit of faith left - either that or denial :P))

One of the major reasons for re-signing the lease was because we hadn't heard a word from the bank yet and we didn't want to take the risk of being homeless 2 months from now. It's pretty discouraging admitting that we're not as close as we would want to be concerning becoming homeowners. I know in reality, God hasn't let us down.

The prayers that we (and countless friends and family members) have uttered on our behalf have not gone unheard. He has greater plans for us - money is not everything and it's certainly not going to solve all of our problems (it certainly wouldn't hurt though). I'm still resting in Jesus, still trusting Him, still loving Him for all He is and all He has done for us (past, present and future)...

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings:
Thine is love indeed!


As I re-read that post, I feel an overwhelming sense of awe. How could I feel so discouraged and let down one minute and feel so hopeful a few hours later? Here's how: God. He does that and delights in turning our frowns upside down and making us sing His praises.

My brain is a little fried (so bear with me), I want to continue the story of God's faithfulness - so, without much further ado and in the words of the great Paul Harvey here's the rest of the story:

As I posted above, Peter and I had re-signed our apartment lease for another year, knowing that we could bow out of it if need be, giving up our $400 deposit. I actually hadn't signed it yet and was secretly waiting until the end of the day to take it down, giving the bank as much time as possible to get back with us before the end of the day. Peter called me around 3:00pm asking if I had taken the lease down yet, I sheepishly said "no". He said that that was fine and that he was going to call our Realtor and let him know that we were going to re-sign our lease and that we would have to push our closing date on the house to July 31st instead of the end of June. Truth be told, I wasn't looking forward to having to move at the end of July, nor was I excited about having to pack, move and unpack so close to Simon's 2nd birthday. But I agreed, as it seemed to be the only smart option.

About 10 minutes later, Peter called me again and said that he had talked to Mike and that he had explained to him that since we weren't going to qualify for the tax credit that there really wasn't a reason for us to stick with the June date. After hearing Peter out, he said that he had done some digging around and had asked a few people and it turned out that we did indeed qualify for the tax rebate since the sellers signed the purchase agreement a day or so after receiving our offer a few weeks back. We haven't heard from the bank yet, but rumor has it that they'll accept our offer and work with our closing date too, sooo...we should be all set. Also another big praise (and a huge leap of faith), is that instead of re-signing our lease for our apartment, we turned in our 2 month notice.

So, if everything works out we'll have our deposit and the tax rebate. God is amazing and His timing is quite powerful. We're hoping that we do indeed qualify - please pray with us that his information was correct and that we can close before the June 30th date to qualify...and that we have a place to stay 2 months from now. I've joked with Peter that if we are indeed without a place to stay, we can put everything in storage and Simon and I can vacate to my family's for a bit while Peter resides with him family and continues to work- lol. Thanks friends!!

...Open the eyes of my heart,
I want to see You.

To see You high and lifted up,

shining it the light of Your glory
Lord, pour out Your power and love,

as we sing Holy, Holy, Holy


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