A beautiful promise for an exhausted mother...

Can it really be almost July?! It doesn't' seem possible. The Summer is flying by. Before we know it I'll be dragging out the winter jackets again and boxing up all our beloved summer clothes. Sad. Simon's first birthday is coming up, I can't believe it's been almost a year since I had him on that warm August night. I have yet to make any plans concerning his party. His birthday will be on a Thursday this year. I was hoping to do a Saturday party, but there's a wedding that the family will be going to, so that won't work out. Maybe I can do a Friday night party.

The Lord has been teaching me a lot about myself...especially when it comes to Simon. When he's teething, he's like a different baby - think Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. It's crazy. The worst days are when he's happy one minute and crying the next for no apparent reason. Saturday I was literally crying because I couldn't take it anymore. I was SO mad at him and finally had to step out on the balcony to get a break from his crying (it didn't really help - I could still faintly hear him as he laid in his crib crying his little eyes out). I couldn't stop the tears from falling from my own face and the heaviness on my chest just wouldn't go away.

This is a terrible, but at that moment, I really didn't want to be a mom anymore. I wanted to be just a wife...not a mom and a wife, just a wife. I wanted to rewind my life and go back to when it was just Peter and me. I wanted to go out to a fun restaurant with Peter and not for one second think of my crabby baby. I wanted to jump in the car with a suitcase and drive to Duluth and stay a couple of nights in a nice hotel, hike the trails, play putt-putt, etc. I even just wanted to sit on the couch with my husband and watch a movie and eat pizza without having to worry about Simon waking up because we were making too much noise. I know Peter feels the same, maybe even more so then I. There's nothing that we can do but embrace the path the Lord has lead us down. It wasn't our decision to start a family, it was God. I have to keep reminding myself that. He is the one who has started this great work in our life and he won't leave our side until it is accomplished. I still struggle daily with being a mom. I don't want anyone to think for a minute that I don't love and adore my son, I really do. It's really just my selfish side coming through when I act like this. I guess I'm the kind of person that wants the best of both worlds. That's not how life works and the sooner I realize it the better.

In church Isaiah 40 was read and the last few verses jumped out at me. I seriously wasn't really paying that much attention to the reading but then *POW* these verses struck me hard. It was totally God nudging me to pay attention and to hear the words that He wanted me to hear.

Isaiah 40:28-31:
²⁸Have you not known? Have you not heard?The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
²⁹He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
³⁰Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
³¹but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

This is what I want to be as a parent. I want to have understanding and strength. I don't want to be exhausted or weary anymore. I am so over that. I embrace the promise of God and ask for the power that he gives to those who are weary and feel exhausted. God is an amazing parent to us and my greatest desire is to learn from Him and be the best parent I can for my beautiful son. I love you, Simon!