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Farewell March, I shall not be missing you.

I'm really looking forward to April. I love that each month brings something new. Hopefully April will bring green grass, budding trees, flowers, sun and warmer temperatures. March was just not a good month for me. Many things have made this month difficult. The weather was like a rollercoaster, once you thought spring was here to stay, *bam*, you got snow and frigid temperatures. March has decided to play one last prank on us by sending us snow. I doubt it'll accumulate much here in the Twin Cities, but you never know.

This month has brought a change in Simon's personality. He's been a lot fussier lately. It grates on me when he's continually whiny and cranky and irritates me to no end when I can't seem to make him happy. He gets bored very often and I'm constantly trying to figure out what he wants and doesn't want. It's a continual stress trying to make him happy and content. I am looking forward to when he can communicate better with me. Sometimes I think he's just bored with me. I feel like he'd be a happier baby if he had someone around him other then *just* me. He's always been like that, loving it when there were more people around. I think he'd like it better if he was a second or third born ((grin)), he needs that constant attention, something that I can't feasibly do. One thing that has made him fussier then normal this week is that he's teething again (oh joy). Poor thing is trying to push out two teeth at once; his number 3 and 4 teeth on his top gums. I know that *has* to hurt, so I do have some sympathy for him.

Peter's work was also a big stress in this month of blue. They switched over to a new system and like always, it could have gone much better. Between putting in long hours (which included working a 10 hour Sunday), to having a lot more responsibility/stress at work, it's been tough on him...which has been tough on me as well. We both see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it'll probably still be a few weeks or so before things get back to "normal".

To top everything else off, we've all been sick this month too. I started it and even though it's been 3 weeks since I came down with it, I'm still not feeling 100%. Simon came down with a runny nose and had a fever one night. Peter seems to have a milder variation of what I had, hopefully it won't get worse.

Sunday's sermon at church really hit me hard and I'm still finding myself thinking about it. I realized that I've been so caught up in "me, me, me"...with a little "them" thrown in, that it's gotten me so depressed that things aren't going my way. I think when you're not content with how things are going, then that's when selfishness starts to fester in your life. Sunday's sermon was not about being content or about selfishness, but rather about L♥vE. About putting others before you. For me, I *thought* I was doing this, I was sick, but I still did my wifely and motherly duties, kept up the house, made dinner, played and took care of the baby, etc. When Peter was working insane hours, I tried not to complain, and tried to be there for him, encouraging him through the tough long days. I was even okay with him giving up our Friday night and going to Manfest 2009 (even though I was insanely jealous of him being able to get out and go bowling...lol). But somewhere along the way, it did start to be all about me. I started feeling sorry for myself, started to wish that things were different, I was not content with where I was in life, not content to be a wife of a stressed out husband, not content to be a mother of a fussy baby, and not content to be in a cold a frigid state. It was all about me. Sunday's sermon was a breaking point for me and I found myself crying over lunch. "Why can't I be content with my life right now, Lord?" I found myself saying. The last thing I wanted to be was at home. I felt like everything was caving in on me. I didn't want to do the little things in life, like figuring out what to make for lunch. I just wanted to be out distracted with what others were doing forgetting about a screaming baby and an annoyed husband. But the Lord was prodding me to dig deeper into why I was feeling the way I was. It didn't take me long to sort out the annoyances of my sorry life. By this time I knew what the culprit was: selfishness. I was still worked about about everything and hadn't allowed myself to deal with it...until now. Life has gotten a little easier, but for me it's still tough right now. I still feel as though I'm carrying a very heavy burden. I am striving though to be content.

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